[009] I feel Dreadful

"I can't reach you, touch you, or hold you I'm going to meet you in my dreams again tonight"
-FAN by Epik High

Before I'll start blogging about what happened to me last week something came to my thoughts last night. Lately, I've been reading the word "SS3" on twitter and on facebook realizing that Super Junior's 3rd concert season is starting again and yes, Manila's again included on the list actually before announcing it to the public (via allkpop) i already know that they're coming back here on February 26, 2011. Usually, if you're a fan you would really want to go right? but due to financial crisis that I'm currently experiencing, (let's pretend that my parents will allow me to go) I've decided not to go even though I've still got time to save some money, it'll take about P 12, 000 for me to watch the concert, hell no, I'm going to spend that big amount of money just to see them? and yeah, the ticket that I'll be buying is general admission (which is fuck) anyway, but this got me from reconsidering of going to the concert:

Super Junior's leader, the angel without wings, Leeteuk and Super Junior's princess, youngest looking oldest, Heechul (lol sorry for the description) might be leaving for the army next year -- near end of the year 2011.

That is the reason why, there's this feeling that I really want to meet them in person, get a picture or have one of my CDs signed by them -- in other words I want to see them with my own eyeballs LIVE and BREATHING. If I have to describe what do I feel at this moment Eunhyuk's lines in Miinah are the exact words to define it "O jinjja michilgeoya" or "I'll really go crazy." I really don't know what to do, I mean time's ticking, if I won't see them before Leeteuk and Heechul leaving, I'll have to wait for 6 years to see them complete, my brain's going to explode. :\

I feel jealous everytime I hear my fellow PinoyELFs that they'll be going to SS3 Manila, I feel like.... alam mo yun sinasaksak ka ng paulit ulit?, I already feel dreadful because I know that I can't go and like if they'll say "Naaa, go ka na kxe, promise it's fun!" I felt like, i was killed...again, double dead that's the word, AHHHHHHH. I really want to experience wearing a blue shirt, waving a blue lightstick and to scream like there's no tomorrow, I really want to see, hear and if possible TOUCH them live. I want it.

I wish after I sleep tonight I'll find the answer to my prayers, not necessarily the exact one but something that can make me calm down a bit, honestly thinking about this issue makes my eyes feel hot and it's something that I really hate, I hate crying because of a fandom, it's a mortal sin for me because it just makes me feel helpless, weak and stupid and i hate being helpless, really.

I'll just sleep tonight, because in my dream, impossible things happen, I can make myself appear in the concert, honestly dreams are just a sweet escape from this harsh world.

PAKENG SYET kasi, bakit pa ako nalulong sa drogang to, gago kayo super junior. :D


--LHENGG